My friend works in a federal research facility. Last week, a holiday week, the on-site workforce was thinning by Tuesday. Wednesday, nearly no one was at work.

Thursday was the Fourth of July and the place was closed. Friday it was open but it was a ghost town.

For most people, a Thursday holiday means one thing: Four-day weekend!

It’s time for a change. The Fourth of July should always be a Thursday—the first one of July. In that way it would be like Thanksgiving, which always falls on a Thursday.

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This would require a small rebranding. The holiday could fall on any date from July 1-7. Folks could still call it the Fourth of July.

But it would become better known as Independence Day. Which is (already) the official name of the national holiday. Eventually that name would prevail even in the ads and mattress sales.

Which might take another 248 years. That’s how long it’s been since the first July Fourth. Which incidentally wasn’t the real signing date of the Declaration of Independence, back in 1776. That happened in August (as I recall).

Generally I’m not a fan of more holidays. It seems like every time you turn around there is another reason for people to not work. The banks are closed, there’s no mail, and you’re thinking what the heck.

In June, we now have Juneteenth. An important anniversary for sure, commemorating the end of slavery. President Biden signed it into a law in 2021.

It is hard to dispute the need for that holiday without sounding like some crazy supporter of slavery.

But critics have said the introduction of any new national holiday should require the retirement of an old one. There are now eleven of them.

I won’t weigh in on which holidays could go away, if it ever comes to that. Off the record, I was never a big Christopher Columbus fan.

My plan does not add a new holiday. It just creates the opportunity for a four-day weekend for a lot of people. It cures the awkward timing of a mid-week (Tuesday or Wednesday) holiday, which now comes along two times out of every seven.
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My next idea would be more controversial, affecting the most sacred of days, holiday or otherwise.

Yes, I am referring to Christmas.

Two years ago, in 2022, Christmas fell on a Sunday. It was the best possible timing. People worked through Friday; some took a half-day off. On Saturday they prepared meals for the festivities. Sunday, they worshipped and celebrated. Monday was their day off and they relaxed and recovered.

As a bonus, Christians were spared a trip to church. They killed two obligations with one stone.

My “Christmas Sunday” plan would glue the blessed holiday to the fourth Sunday of December. The following day, Monday, most folks wouldn’t work. This sort of timing is neither unworkable nor unprecedented.

Thanksgiving is the fourth Thursday of its month. Memorial Day is the last Monday. Those arrangements work fine.

Christmas could fall anywhere from December 22-28. Some might say that’s too close to New Years. But even in the latest case (Dec. 28) it would precede New Years Day by four full days.

And in that case, January 1st would be a Thursday. Potentially a nice four-day weekend to start the year. This specific timing would occur only one time out of every seven.

I know, I know. Christmas is about the birth of Christ. The Fourth of July is about our nation’s independence. They’re not about taking time off work. To those objections, I have no real response.

People can call me the Grinch—the evil accomplice grinch who helped hijack the holidays.

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